Chad Perrin: SOB

18 January 2010

Business Terms Explained

Filed under: Humor,Profession — apotheon @ 03:43

I found a list of a few common terms in job postings whose meaning you should understand before responding to the ad. I thought I’d share:

  • Apply In Person: We’ll tell you the position has already been filled if you are old, fat, ugly, or tattooed.

  • Career Minded: Female applicants must be childless, and pregnancy will not be tolerated.

  • Casual Atmosphere: We don’t pay you enough to buy nice ties and shoes.

  • Competitive Salary: We stay competitive by paying less than our competitors.

  • Duties Vary: You will be asked to serve coffee, handle the boss’ dry cleaning, or wash an executive’s car, from time to time.

  • Fast-Paced Company: We have no time to train you.

  • Good Communication Skills Needed: When management fails to communicate effectively — which is often — you will be expected to listen carefully and figure it out on your own. If something goes wrong, you will be blamed.

  • Must Be Deadline Oriented: You will already be six months behind schedule the day we hire you.

  • Must Have an Eye for Detail: We have no quality control, so if something goes wrong, we’ll blame you.

  • Must Have Leadership Skills: You will get the responsibility of management without commensurate title, pay, or respect.

  • No Telephone Calls Please: We’ve already filled the position. This posting is just a legal formality.

  • Problem Solving Skills Critical: The office is in perpetual chaos, and nobody knows how to prioritize.

  • Seeking Candidates with a Wide Variety of Experience: You will be expected to do the jobs of three people who just left.

  • Some Overtime Required: . . . each night and every weekend.


  1. Some Overtime Required should just be Overtime Mandatory

    Comment by Rob — 19 January 2010 @ 03:14

  2. Good Communications Skills, Eye for Detail, and Problem Solving Skills… I believe that was the job description for my current work. I do graphic design work for a church.

    Comment by Axcalibar — 19 January 2010 @ 03:31

  3. It strikes me as to be expected that one would need to meet the Good Communications Skills requirement when working for God, since He historically tends to communicate through metaphorical revelation — and, of course, if you screw up too badly you go to Hell.

    Comment by apotheon — 19 January 2010 @ 04:57

  4. My favorite is Fast Paced Company. What’s even worse than no training is being paired up with someone who is already overworked and resents being forced to train someone while trying to keep up with their workload.

    Comment by Bob — 27 January 2010 @ 10:29

  5. “Must Have Leadership Skills: You will get the responsibility of management without commensurate title, pay, or respect.”

    Ouch. This happened to me a lot.

    Comment by Philippine Call Center Services — 29 January 2010 @ 12:42

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All original content Copyright Chad Perrin: Distributed under the terms of the Open Works License