Chad Perrin: SOB

30 August 2010

Video Link Cable = Model Anatomy

Filed under: Humor — apotheon @ 10:24

I’m just slightly confused by a recent recommendation I got from Amazon. You know how Amazon will say “You viewed . . .” and show some product you recently viewed at Amazon, then say “Customers who viewed this also viewed . . .” and show other products, hoping to entice you to buy one? Well, I very recently saw this:

Amazon Recommendations

One of these things is not like the others. Maybe you can explain why it showed up.

18 January 2010

Business Terms Explained

Filed under: Humor,Profession — apotheon @ 03:43

I found a list of a few common terms in job postings whose meaning you should understand before responding to the ad. I thought I’d share:

  • Apply In Person: We’ll tell you the position has already been filled if you are old, fat, ugly, or tattooed.

  • Career Minded: Female applicants must be childless, and pregnancy will not be tolerated.

  • Casual Atmosphere: We don’t pay you enough to buy nice ties and shoes.

  • Competitive Salary: We stay competitive by paying less than our competitors.

  • Duties Vary: You will be asked to serve coffee, handle the boss’ dry cleaning, or wash an executive’s car, from time to time.

  • Fast-Paced Company: We have no time to train you.

  • Good Communication Skills Needed: When management fails to communicate effectively — which is often — you will be expected to listen carefully and figure it out on your own. If something goes wrong, you will be blamed.

  • Must Be Deadline Oriented: You will already be six months behind schedule the day we hire you.

  • Must Have an Eye for Detail: We have no quality control, so if something goes wrong, we’ll blame you.

  • Must Have Leadership Skills: You will get the responsibility of management without commensurate title, pay, or respect.

  • No Telephone Calls Please: We’ve already filled the position. This posting is just a legal formality.

  • Problem Solving Skills Critical: The office is in perpetual chaos, and nobody knows how to prioritize.

  • Seeking Candidates with a Wide Variety of Experience: You will be expected to do the jobs of three people who just left.

  • Some Overtime Required: . . . each night and every weekend.

25 November 2009

I must resist the urge to “squee”.

Filed under: Geek,Humor,Miscellaneous — apotheon @ 12:19

I have discovered some cool shit.

JSalvador's Emo Chibi Wolvie

Artist JSalvador has hit a home run with his Super “Emo” Friends series of limited prints. They’re precious little chibi-style superheroes given extraordinarily glum expressions with captions that perfectly capture a major internal conflict and/or regret of each character. Green Lantern’s is just funny, highlighting the absurdity of the character’s situation, but the rest of them touch on much deeper issues of each character. I think the one that is most prone to making the viewer think is Captain America (aka “Cappin”), though Wolvie here runs a close second.

(By the way, the image and text links here used to point to a page at jsalvadordesign.com that showed the whole set of emo chibi superheroes and villains. Unfortunately, he appears to have decided to delete the page, so now the only way to see them is to click through the damned things one at a time at the Etsy store. I apologize for the crappy interface. I downloaded a copy of the image showing the whole set so I could crop out a single character and show it under fair use provisions, since this is basically a review, sorta — but I’m not about to upload the whole damned set and expose myself to potential lawsuits over some fucking asinine draconian copyright fascism just because JSalvador decided to make life more difficult for us. Sorry ’bout that.)

Some of them draw on the very unique conditions of the characters, such as the isolation from affection that Rogue suffers as a result of her mutant power and (of course) Green Lantern’s vulnerability to the color yellow. Others hit the very mundane problems of life that affect “normal” people like you and me (well, maybe you, anyway), such as Harley Quinn’s unrequited love and Batman’s grief over parents lost at a young age. Then, of course, there’s the hint of the real traumas beneath Joker’s and Green Goblin’s lunacy. I’m particularly fond of the ambiguity in Joker’s case.

Then, of course, there’s always the Muppets.

A friend and I, when we lived in the same state, used to sit around in front of the television as election season approached and basically heckle the trite stupidities wheeled out by candidates for political office, asinine and meaningless comments made with great gravitas by featherheaded reporters, and whatever other nonsense traipsed across the screen on what passes for mainstream “news” in this country. We were a pair of real curmudgeons, enjoying our cynical sniping from the sidelines. This friend — I’ll call him “Larry” — one day compared us to Statler and Waldorf, of the Muppets. Those were the two old geezers who sat in the balcony in the theater that was the set of The Muppet Show and heckled the performers, and were a couple of my favorite characters as a kid.

Now, we’ve both moved out of the state where we once lived near each other, to separate new states, but we still keep in touch. One year, he gave me a small Waldorf plush toy representing Larry as a gift, and he has a matching Statler representing me. I keep Waldorf sitting on the shelf of a desk, between some books and the center channel speaker for a computer, looking out over the entire living room.

Anyway . . . I loved The Muppet Show as a kid, and still love the occasional clip of it that I see these days. Sesame Street was cool, I guess, but I never liked it as much, and it went far downhill at some point (I knew it had jumped the shark when the opening credits included tots hip-hop dancing), and the movies have their high points reminiscent of The Muppet Show but they also have bits that are just not up to par. Don’t even get me started on the Muppet Babies. I really miss the genius of The Muppet Show.

There was a flash of that brilliance in my life again yesterday, when I watched this with my SigO:

It’s a little slow to get going. Animal’s “Mama?” routine isn’t really terribly exciting, but it gets going pretty quickly after that. It’s difficult to pick out a favorite part, because there are so many moments of sheer awesome in it — including Statler and Waldorf telling Fozzie they don’t like his jokes while he implores them to let him joke, Beaker’s brilliant meeping, and Kermit’s excellent summation of the problem of the entire exercise. If I had to pick a favorite part, I think I’d have to go with the Swedish Chef’s jazz hands. It was only for a split second, but it was epic.

Seriously. Swedish Chef did jazz hands. My life is complete.

Older Posts »

All original content Copyright Chad Perrin: Distributed under the terms of the Open Works License